Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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