she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
