Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
