I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
