My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
