Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
