wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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