You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
