True but thats because hes a fetus.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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