things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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