I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
wanna go halves on a baby?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
