why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
