This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
