I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize