Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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