I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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