I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
