There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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