My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
