I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
