matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
