can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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