id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
