My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Watching her eat just hurts me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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