You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
