I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
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i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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