Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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