he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
