i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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