You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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