Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
