it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
