you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
