hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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