I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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