ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
