yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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