finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
