My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You can't just leave with hair like that
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
