His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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