I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
