That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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