oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
