i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
