dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Be still, my beating vagina.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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