sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize