How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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