I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
