you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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