Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
