I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize