Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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