Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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