oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
