even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
