What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
