Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
