see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
