You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
