For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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