I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
