ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
