I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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