She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
