remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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