i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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